New Attitude

I’ve had a lot of time away from the office these past couple of weeks. The holidays falling on Mondays made for long weekends, and I capitalized on that as much as possible. I find that my attitude at work is, shall we say, less eager of late.

My new editor and I are getting along very well. We discuss strategies for future stories, and she asks my opinion on treatments and angles. We’ve read and edited each other’s work by now, as well, so we understand each other’s skill level much better.

As great as that is, I am acutely aware of the precarious nature of print publication in terms of economic viability. I realize that I cannot depend on that job for long-term security. So I don’t.

The freelance work is really ramping up. If the flow continues as it has, I could make the transition to full-time freelancing — which would support at least considering letting the office job go. That will be a difficult decision, but I need to leave some mental space for it. After all, letting the university job go turned out to be much easier than anticipated. All I had to do was change my attitude.

My attitude at the office job has pivoted toward self-interest. For example: Rather than ask if I could have extra time off over the holidays, I told my bosses when I could come in. This may sound like a small thing, but it’s a big step for me. I am accustomed to being an employee who asks permission and fulfills expectations.

An acquaintance recently talked to me about his job in this way. He was tired of putting in more effort than required and feeling like his time was being wasted. His solution was to make his job work for him, rather than him always working for his job. I like that.

Something I’ve long struggled with is valuing my work, my abilities, my time. The tiny step of telling my bosses that I was not coming in certain days – and seeing them simply accept it as fact – felt huge.

I am beginning to believe that I can make my life exactly how I want it to be.

As I round the corner on a full year of being on my own, I am finally beginning to trust myself a bit more. I recently decided to pass on a cheaper apartment that came onto my radar unexpectedly. The prospect of lower monthly bills could not eclipse my attachment to my present cozy place. And, more importantly, that decision entails the inherent belief that I am going to be able to earn enough income to cover all my bills without the university gig. It used to be very difficult for me to have that much faith in myself.

My relationship with Stacy helps. She seems to have incredible faith in my abilities and sees no reason why I shouldn’t have exactly the life I want. Her steadfast, solid support makes it easier for me to believe, as well.

No one can see the future until it becomes the present. The trick is to make the most of the present so you’re ready for whatever the future brings. A tricky trick indeed. The other tricky part is letting the past go to make room for the future. I’m closing in on this one more easily than I thought I would. All it takes is practice and a new attitude.